GMS/TEAMS
SEASONS
CAREER STATS
April 28, 1911
The first meeting of the Sorrowful Club was held today.
The “Sorrowful Club” is a group of fellows who aren’t playing ball so well, and who meet to drown their sorrows at the Sterling Tavern here in Peoria. Right now, the members are me, Larry Gardner and Doc Miller. Beer ain’t really much of a cure for what’s ailing us, but it keeps us from jumping into the Illinois River, I guess…
“The problem, boys” I was saying, “is that the old bender don’t seem to be bending right now. Maybe it’s the air here, but whatever it is, it’s got me on the ropes. My fastball is OK, but it is in no ways good enough to carry the freight when the old bender ain’t bending. I was the ace last year; now it seems like I been passed up by Marquard and that punk kid Pete Alexander.”
“Funny how things just go bad for no reason,” says Miller. “Last year the ball looked as big as a honeydew melon coming in there. Now it’s more like a Carter’s Little Liver Pill. And the bugs in the left field stands sure do let me know it. You’d think I was the tax collector, the way they treat me.”
“Pass the peanuts”, says Gardner. “Ahh, it could be worse…you could be Bruno Block.”
This hands all of us a laugh. Bruno Block is one of our catchers, and he made the mistake of saying in the clubhouse the other day that he had a toothache.
“Well, Bruno my lad, you’ve come to the right place,” says Dick Hoblitzel. “I happen to be an advanced student of dentistry. Sit down in that straight chair, and we’ll have you fixed up in two shakes of a lamb’s tail.”
Before he could say a word, Bruno was in the chair with strong men at each of his arms and legs while Hobby went to his locker and returned with a wicked-looking pair of pliers. “Just hold still Bruno- open wide- yep I see the problem right there.”
I been around, and I’ve seen a lot of things, but something about those big, gnarled, grimy first baseman’s hands jammed into poor Bruno’s mouth made me turn away. “Presto”, says Hobby, pulling a bloody fang from Bruno’s mouth.
“Ong oth”, says Bruno.
“What’s that you say?”
“WRONG TOOTH”
Maybe we should invite Bruno to the next meeting of the Sorrowful Club. I’m sure he’d enjoy a beer, though the peanuts much be a little too much for him right now… LKA
Leon Kessling ‘Red’ Ames