GMS/TEAMS
SEASONS
CAREER STATS
August 8 1920
Well, it just goes to prove the old saying; the road to hell certainly is paved with good intentions. All I wanted to do was improve myself a little bit, and look at the mess I ended up getting myself into…
So… we have three players on this team who normally speak Spanish, and I thought I would improve myself by trying to learn a new Spanish word every day, and trying to use it in conversation with them. That’s not such a bad idea, is it?
My first word was “pata” which means “leg” in Spanish. I practiced it until I felt confident with it. Unfortunately, for some reason, when I got over to Jose Mendez to try it out in conversation with him, for some God-forsaken reason, in my head I substituted the word “puta”, which means a fallen woman- a prostitute.
“Why is that, Senor Gardner?”
“Well, I guess it’s a family thing. The last time my mother saw my putas, she said, ‘Oh, you have your father’s putas. I would know them anywhere- so pale and knobby, and even the hair worn off of them’”.
“They sound terrible…I’m glad I have never seen them.”
“Well, I’m pretty self-conscious about my putas. I don’t even like my teammates to see them- especially towards this time of year, when they’ve been taking a pounding all season. Over the winter they’ll get some rest, and they’ll be more presentable when spring rolls around.”
It took a while to understand the reaction I got to this conversation. Mendez simply crosses himself and looks the other way when he thinks I might be approaching him.
Anyway, this is how our conversation ended up going:
“Buenos dias, Senor Gardner”, said Jose. “How are you today?”
“Not so good, I’m afraid”, I replied. “I’m having a lot of trouble with my putas”.
“Putas, senor?” he said with raised eyebrows. “More than one?”
“Oh yes. At first it was just one, but now my second puta is acting up just as badly as the first.”
“Perhaps, senor, you worry too much about these putas”.
“Yes, perhaps. But it’s hard to think of anything else when your putas cause you pain. When I was younger, I didn’t appreciate the feeling of having two strong putas under you. Now that I’m older, I wish those days would come back, but I guess I’m stuck with the putas I have.”
But the word must have gotten around; Lucas Boada refuses to use the shower now after me, and the other day Eustaqio Pedrosa ran all the way across the field during batting practice to shoo away his wife and sister when it looked like I was going to say hello to them.
Just the thanks I get for trying to broaden my horizons. Maybe I could get Jacques Fournier to teach me French… no, on second thought, I better stick with English.
Larry Gardner
Larry Gardner