Dan and Kevin’s Fearless Forecasts-1931
Yet annother installment of the wonderful musings by Everything's better with Bacon Media Group' & freelance writer who has no regard for anyone's personal feelings.
*Disclaimer* None of the musings and meanderings of an otherwise unorthodox left handed dreamers is based in reality or facts. ...or are they?
MLB/NGL 1931 Season Averages
Batting .277/.339/.389/.728 ops
Pitching 4.84 era, 13.0 R/9
Batting - The Gorillas are back at it on offense, maybe not overall as imposing, however they far exceed average. They will be yet again top 3 in the SCL in runs scored. B+/A-
Pitching - The pitching staff is bit less than they were last season. The will be piecing together throughout the 1931 campaign, Tim was quoted as saying 'Ryans pitching won't beat me this year'. C+/B-
Jersey City Skeeters
Batting - Will Simmons break the batting average record set just last year? Did Tonya Harding send someone after Dixon, this is a different player. C
Pitching - Nelson Dean still leads the rutter of where this staff winds up, so goes he, as does the rotation. B
Batting - Imagine if Klein was hitting cleaning up on this team... Anywho, this team is consistent in getting on base, if they had that bopper they let walk last year it would be another level offense. C+/B-
Pitching - Mudville isn't quite ready to jump to the playoffs but they are making steady progress, Joe Strong will be a big help this season.. C+
Batting - The Pines still struggle behind their massive beasts in the middle, they do have Gelbert who will be on base consistently for them. They will lead the league in the long ball this season for sure! B
Pitching - Derringer was a big get for Georgia, the fan base also appreciated the acquisition of General Crowder. Watty Clark is still the captain! B
Batting - I like this overall composition, they may not be the loudest collection of names but this is a pretty deep squad considering the season we are stepping into. If Hack Wilson was his normal self this season it would have vaulted them much much higher. B+
Pitching - Grove is an animal, with competent defense behind him, he should cruise to the AL Pitcher of the year. B-
Batting - Can Beckwith be even better than last year? WOW! Aside from him it may be just the boot skiff average season this year, they can get on base and run around, I'm not sure that will be enough. C+/B-
Pitching - Joe Williams & Gomez are a dynamic duo at the top of the rotation! Then there was some night time walking and didn't see the curb. C
Batting - They aren't quite as exciting as Georgia or deep as the Gorillas but this team can stack against them and be #3 easily this year! B-
Pitching - The Racers have begun to take the corner to competitiveness. The will be much improved in this season, way to go! C+
Batting - They don't have the massive bopper but how many do? This team is better than advertised and this offense will surprise you! B+/A-
Pitching - Chris remade the staff in hopes of competing and they did an admirable job. C
AL Standings Projection:
Jersey City Skeeters
*Notes* You could make the case for the Pines over the Gorillas but you have to dethrone the Gorillas first. That 3rd spot is entirely up for grabs I can see 3-6 flipping around quite a bit throughout the season, who ends the hottest?
Batting - Well here is your #1 offense in the NL this season! It is difficult to not see the prowess of this offense not making them our WS representative this season. A-
Pitching - Don't see many K ratios in this era like what Trent sports this season, to bad he can't quite go all the way. B
Batting - They boast 1 of the 3 best trios of bats in the league this year in Morgan, Averill, & Herman, they have more support around them than other teams, this team could over perform offensively. B
Pitching - Foster is clearly the ace on this staff, he could challenge for NL Pitcher of the year! D+/C-
Queen City Baseball Club
Batting - They may hit more HR's than the Gorillas this season, that’s not a small feat. The offense should be certainly 1 of the top 3 in the NL. B
Pitching - Tough uphill battle as they continue to reshape the roster. McDonald could certainly make the mid summer classic. C-
Batting - I remember when Jimmy stole my title in 1921, it may be 10 seasons ago now, but I'll never forgive you! Mackey has the best game on the team with the ladies, they don't call him Mack Daddy for nothing. This team could lead the league in doubles! C
Pitching - If the Terrapins played Georgia, would they ever get Ott/Ruth/Gehrig out? D
Batting - Hafey is still far & away the top talent on this team, they have some pieces but in a shallow offensive season for the league they trail off quickly after him. C-
Pitching - Cockrell could be the best SP in the league for 100 innings, or he'll be the leagues best closer, decisions are hard. D
Custers Crimson Tide
Batting - I was wondering how many George Washingtons I need to wire to Kevin to resurrect Ty Cobb? Oscar is getting impatient with management, he said we have failed since 1927 to get him to the post season. Why does he have to be so direct? C+/B-
Pitching - Ray Brown the #1 pick, just happens to add some muscle this season, along with George Mitchell, & Porter Charleston they could be the best trio Negro League teammates in league history. B+
Batting - They can get on base quite often, the pick of Arlett will pay dividends this year, they could struggle to push the base runners across the plate in front of the opposing catcher. B-
Pitching - Will have a bit of a change over this season as most arms won't go the full season and who is the bullpen? B+/A-
Batting - I see you Dave, you may give Adam some competition for the best offense in the NL! So many part timers could possibly be the achilles heel but they are so on point almost top to bottom, I find this collection really well done. A-
Pitching - Kevin I assume is hopeful that Meine will make the AS team again, nothing better than asking when is it time to show off the Heine?! B
NL Standings Projection:
Custers Crimson Tide
Queen City Baseball Club
*Notes* The top 3 could easily flip around, Custer is entirely an outlier this season I'm not sure who is the 4th place team in the NL on paper, its seems like the numbers say its the Tide.
1931 SEASON PREVIEW
My predictions the last 2 seasons have been horrible. I picked the Vipers to win it all both seasons, and they failed to do so. I think they failed on purpose, just to make me look bad. I don’t need your help to look bad Slothower!! I’m capable of looking bad without your help. If the Vipers were loaded with 10 Willie Wells, and 6 Lefty Groves, they’re still not getting my endorsement. The line has been drawn, deal with it Doug.
Jersey City Skeeters: GM- Kevin Graham
People often say to me, “ Kevin, you are obviously highly dedicated to your running of the 3rd best Historical Baseball Sim on the internet, but what else do you do with your time?” Well I’m passionate about many things, most of them are in the gray area of legality. But I’m also a member of the neighborhood cat rescue team. Whenever there’s a cat stuck in a tree they call me. I proceed to knock it out of the tree with the biggest rock I can find. Sometimes the cat dies, and sometimes it lives. If it lives I just hit with another rock. I’m sort of a legend.
Al Simmons is MVP material, but he’s surrounded by a bunch of “meh”. He is the only player with a potential to hit 10+ HRs. Cool Papa Bell has a nice season, but well below his normal output, while also, for the 1st time, not playing in 154 games. Rap Dixon is a mere shadow of his MVP season. Pepper Martin gets his 1st taste of the SCL, let’s hope DMB likes the guy. He could finish 2nd on this team with 8 HRs. At shortstop we have…….????? Checks notes……Leo Durocher? It’ll be fine, I’ll just rearrange the chairs in the clubhouse.
Nelson Dean, Charlie Root, Art Mahaffey, and Wilcy Moore are a nice starting 4, surrounded by a nice pile of garbage in the bullpen. It’ll be fine. I’ll just stock up on sunflower seeds.
Gashouse Gorillas: GM- Ryan Buckley
Ryan has won 3 of the last 4 SCL Championships? Whatever. The last GM held with this much contempt had won 3 SCL Championships in a row, and you all know what happened to that guy. Win 1 more Buckley, and I will make that phone call.
Jud Wilson might make the Gorilla faithful forget about Chino Smith. Martin Dihigo, Lefty O’Doul, Paul Waner…blah, blah…this Gorilla team is starting to piss me off.
Pat Malone, Red Ruffing, and George Uhle lead a thin pitching staff. If they turned sideways they would disappear. Here’s hoping the entire team disappears……”fingers crossed.”
Georgia Pines: GM- Joe Clark
It is a little known fact that at one time Joe was a male model. He was always the before guy in those weight loss ads.
Babe Ruth has his last “ruthian” season, he’s joined by, Lou Gehrig, Mel Ott, and Rogers Hornsby…did I miss any other HOFers? Unfortunately the rest of the lineup is unformidable. Is that a word? I feel like it should be.
Watty Clark, Rick Derringer (not the Rock and Roll, Hootchie Coo guy) and the late arriving General Crowder make up most of the Pines’ pitching staff. Jack Quinn is 47 years old and still puts up a 2.67 ERA?? It’s just not fair.
Kenmore Miners: GM- Mike Murphy/Matthew Schultz
Mike is handing over, what we all hope is just temporary control of the Miners to Matthew Schultz. Welcome to the league Matt. Guys, please send Mike your well wishes, I know he really appreciates hearing from us.
Matt has a PHD. I’m pretty sure Ryan couldn’t spell PHD if you spotted him the P and the H. Matt is way smarter than anyone else reading this. I may regret letting a PHD, and a veteran of numerous DMB leagues, join the SCL. Let me apologize up front.
John Beckwith could hit 30 HRs for the Miners in just 85 games. The rest of the team will struggle to hit 30 in 154 games.
Smokey Joe Williams has been pitching in the SCL for a long time. He should pitch well, but lose often. Lefty Gomez will see much of the same. They have a pretty good looking staff, but the lack of offense could hurt them. Kind of like when I accidentally used Elmer’s Glue to slick back my golden locks for the Senior Prom. It looked great, but in the end all it got me was a shaved head and the regrettable nickname of Elmer.
Flint Vehicles: GM-Chris Cannan
Chris was the last GM to get me their keeper lists. He told me it was because he drove up to a flashing red light, and couldn’t get the timing right, so he was stuck there for 4 hours. He only got through it when the police showed up, and gave him a ticket for obstructing common sense. Is it just me, or am I the only guy that has never heard of that law??
Bill Terry, Goose Goslin, Lloyd Waner, Joe Cronin, and Tony Cuccinello will hit a lot of doubles and triples. They should have little trouble scoring runs.
If it were me, I’d start Firpo Marberry, Tom Zachary, Bill Walker, and Bill Hunter every game this season. I’d make them pitch CG 5-hitters every time out. That’s a sure recipe for wins. Just trying to help a fellow GM out Chris. You’re welcome.
Mudville Nine: GM-Brent Porter
Brent is not a very good driver. Several months ago he drove through a house into a neighbors’ living room. He was eventually charged and convicted of reckless driving, and breaking and entering. Your lawyer sucks Brent. Get another one.
Johnny Stone, Joe Vosmik, and Ben Chapman are pretty good players. But they’re like being the tallest guys in an all-dwarves basketball league. Not that impressive. Ben Chapman had 61 steals in 1931. Crank up the steal settings Brent. Let’s get Chapman to 70.
Ray Kremer, Flint Rhem, and Joe Strong will pitch well and lose often. They would however dominate in an all dwarves basketball league.
Indianapolis Racers: GM- Terry Baxter
Like me, Terry is not a cat lover. He once asked me, “What’s the difference between a cat and an onion?” I didn’t know. “You don’t cry when you’re chopping up a cat.?” I tried it, he ain’t lying.
Jimmie Foxx hits just .291, and supplies all the power for the Racers. Kiki Cuyler, Mule Haas, and Earl Combs are nice, but you don’t win by being nice. Just ask Leo Durocher. And how does a guy named Mule hit just 8 Hrs?
Ed Brandt, Bump Hadley, Ray Benge, and Larry French make a nice starting 4. Wes Ferrell walks a lot of guys. …a lot of guys……a real lot…..just saying.
Vegas Vipers: GM- Doug Slothower
Doug is a self-made man. He started out with nothing and he still has most of it.
Wally Berger hit his HRs last season, but he didn’t hit for average. That needs to change. Hack Wilson kind of sucks this season. Willie Wells once again puts up nice numbers at short. Not quite the Superman numbers of seasons past, but still very good.
If Lefty Grove pitches to his stats he could win 30 games. Freddie Fitzsimmons could win 20. The rest of the staff are lost in the huge shadow cast by the greatness of Grove.
1. Vipers- I just can’t quite Slothower
2. Gorillas- blah, blah, blah.
3. Racers- I like their pitching, and Terry and I are bonded in our distaste for cats.
4. Pines- pitching always seems to bite the Pines right in the nads.
5. Miners- Pitching-Good, Hitting-Bad
6. Skeeters- prediction: I get 3 ping pong balls in the 1932 draft and still get the 7th pick.
7. Vehicles- Tony Cuccinello has one of the best looking 1932 Goudey cards in the set. That doesn’t get you wins in the SCL.
8. Nine- “nein” That joke will never get old.
Queen City Baseball Club: GM- Joe Coombs
Looking at Joe’s Facebook Page (not really) Joe says he is a loving Father, a vegetarian, and a humanitarian. If vegetarians eat vegetables, then humanitarians eat…..??? I’m not sure I’m going to accept his friend request.
Turkey Stearnes is good, but this season, he’s not the 1929 NL HOY good. Mickey Cochrane may be their biggest offensive threat. They have a back-up catcher by the name of Casper Asbjornson. Fun Fact: Asbjornson is Swedish for “This cheese smells funny.”
Luther McDonald, Rube Walberg, and Burleigh “I under perform every season” Grimes make for a decent starting 3. The rest of the staff is mostly “smelly cheese.”
Southport Spiders: GM- V (AKA Jim Copeland’s wingman)
V is a very personable type of guy. Always has a smile and a hearty wave hello for everyone he meets on his morning walks. Last week he came across a young woman that he had never seen before, and he really turned on the smile and wave. Unfortunately she felt like she was being mocked because she had no teeth or hands. She kneed him in the balls. Keep putting that ice on them V, the swelling will eventually go down.
I love me some Chick Hafey, and some Bill Dickey. While Dale Alexander gets a big hug. The rest of this offense doesn’t deserve my love or my hugs. Both of which are awesome, and have won many awards.
Bob Smith, Bill Hallahan, and Jumbo Elliot will struggle to get wins, thanks to their loveless offense.
Custer’s Crimson Tide: GM- Dan Bacon
I wouldn’t say Dan was insane, but he barely qualifies as semi-sane. When he had Ty Cobb, he used to bench him all the time…..crazy……right? Imagine if he did the same to Oscar Charleston!!
Oh look, Oscar Charleston is on the Tide’s inactive list to start the season. How much lead paint did this guy eat as a child? The Tide have some pretty good hitters, but not a lot of full-time players. Dan will be juggling all season, juggling players…..not balls. He does that in the privacy of his house….with the shade open…..pervert.
Ray Brown, Porter Charleston and Red Lucas could each pitch 25 CGs this season. Throw in George Mitchell, and who needs a bullpen?
Baltimore Terrapins: GM- Jimmy Keenan
Jimmy is the author of several books. His latest about the Battle of Antietam will be out very soon. Show him some love, look for it on Amazon. Jimmy starting writing as a child with mixed reviews. I Farted, ...stunk. I Have a Big Head: An Autobiography, was way before its time, while Look What These Hands Can Do: The Art of Flapping Your Lips, was a best seller in the 3-10 year old demographic.
Biz Mackey continues to shine at catcher. Heinie Manush is their power guy…….Heinie Manush???? I had a 73 Ford Pinto that had more power than this team. Driving up hill was a bitch!! Luckily it was involved in a rear end collision and burst into flames. I barely managed to save my 8-Tracks. I hated that car.
If you’re looking for some horrible pitching, look no further. I will only speak of Van Lingle Mungo. The rest don’t deserve my masterful prose.
Peoria Caterpillars: GM- John Momberg
John and I are kindred spirits. He too is a card carrying cat-hater. (If anyone wants one of those cards, just let me know, I’ll hook you up.) We recently shared this laugh: What’s the difference between a Siamese cat and a Calico cat? The Calico cat burns longer. I chuckled as I typed that.
Earl Averill doesn’t get the respect he deserves. I respect him…..he should be a Skeeter…I’d respect the hell out of him. I’m a more better respecter than John could ever be. Babe Herman’s offense slips a little, but he still kicks ass. And not to worry, Rube Bressler, the best #4 OFer in the SCL will pick up the slack. Miss you Rube…call me.
If Willie Foster isn’t the NL POY, then my middle name isn’t Murgatroyd. All of the runs that the Caterpillars score this season should be saved for his starts. “30 Wins or Bust” That’s what I say. The Caterpillars have other pitchers, but nobody cares.
Wheaton Warbirds: GM- Adam Graham
As a child Adam wanted to grow up to be a cartoon character. An actual hand drawn cartoon character. If I ever needed to punish him I would just wave around a big eraser. “Don’t think I won’t use this!” It worked, right up until he turned 21.
Chuck Klein, Josh Gibson, and Earl Webb (he hit 67 doubles in 1931) lead an offense full of other players so far below these 3 guys in talent that it makes them irrelevant.
Carl Hubbell and newcomer Ray Brown are the Preparation H used on a butt hole full of hemorrhoids. I’m not sure where I was going with that one.
Sunderland Storm: GM- Tim Deale
It’s not a secret that Tim is old. He tries to hide it with makeup, but the lines are showing. The wear and tear on his body from when he was a roadie for Heart has taken its toll. I mean, you try to satisfy Ann and Nancy Wilson night after night! I worry about his cognitive abilities as well. I think they may be slipping. When we zoomed the last World Series, Tim didn’t look right. I had him stay on when everyone else had signed off. I asked him if everything was OK. He said yes. I said that it looked like the right side of his face had been burned. He said he was ironing his silk underwear the other night (An Ann and Nancy preference, I assume), when his phone rang and he accidentally answered his iron, severely burning his face. I asked him how the left side of his face got burned, and he said that the guy called back. I hope I keep my mental faculties better than Tim. “Knock wood”…..hold on….there’s someone at the door………that was weird, nobody was there…… now, where was I…….???
Woe to the Storm. Their offense is kind of weak. Newt Allen is one of the better 2nd basemen in the league, and Buzz Artlett will flash across the SCL like a dinosaur killing meteor, only to fizzle out as it harmlessly passes by.
This might be the best pitching staff in the league. Unfortunately this staff is a like a Cracker Jack box that lacks enough peanuts to make it a great eating experience. Seriously…2 peanuts in the whole box? Hensley, Paige, and McDonald are very good for ½ a season. Johnson and Vance are pretty good for ½ a season. Tim will be shaking that box of Cracker Jack all season long, looking for another peanut. If anybody can pull that off it’s Tim.
Willoughby Starlings: GM-Dave Kuehn
I don’t know if I spelled Dave’s last name correctly. I refuse to look it up again. It’s not my fault I can’t spell!
The Starlings have the least feared team name in the SCL. (Although, the Caterpillars are a close 2nd) Every time I see the name I think about running barefoot through a field of dandelions, my golden locks flowing behind me, the sun kissing the sky with its warm embrace. I picture myself as a more macho Fabio (Like that’s possible)
Suttles, Bottomley, and Gehringer take a small step back from last season. Red Kress steps up his game and may lead the team in doubles/HRs/ and rbis. Despite the slight decline of the Big-3, the Starlings may have the best hitting team in the NL.
Heinie Meinie……let’s all say it together…..”Heinie Meinie”….feels good doesn’t it? Meinie and Earnshaw can’t pitch every game, leaving the Starlings with a pack of pretty good pitchers with less than 200 IPs. Dave will have to mix and match to get the most out of his staff.
1. Starlings- work it Dave, work it.
2. Crimson Tide- Play Charleston, success will follow.
3. Storm- pitching is just too good.
4. Queen City- just enough offense to make it interesting
5. Caterpillars- because,
6. Warbirds- I need to continue the tradition of always picking them for 6th place.
7. Terrapins- Too busy being a famous author
8. Spiders- swollen testicles won’t be as bad as this offense.
It’s a 4 team race in the AL. I don’t see 5, 6, 7 and 8 making a move. If 1 of the top 3 in the NL falter, 4, 5 and 6 will battle for the Wild card.
The Vipers will play the Starlings in the World Series. Last chance Doug, I really mean it this time.