GMS/TEAMS
SEASONS
CAREER STATS
Dan and Kevin’s Fearless Forecasts-1932
Yet another installment of the wonderful musings by Everything's better with Bacon Media Group' & freelance writer who has no regard for anyone's personal feelings.
*Disclaimer* None of the musings and meanderings of an otherwise unorthodox left handed dreamer is based in reality or facts. ...or are they?
MLB/NGL 1932 Season Averages
Batting .275/.334/.391/.725 ops
Pitching 4.88 era, 12.7 R/9
AMERICAN LEAGUE:
Gashouse Gorillas
Batting - Gashouse though still potent, are not the resilient force for carnage they once were. I do expect them to play a bit above the team 746 OPS they currently sport on paper. B
Pitching - They have some high quality arms which this league in 1932 is surely short on. They are a full runner below 9 on average, thats going to play well in the long game. A-
Jersey City Skeeters
Batting - Bell is back with vengeance this year and will steal home plate at an alarming rate. I completely foresee this offense punching well above their weight on paper. B+
Pitching - I'm willing to bet Kevin's best cleaning product that Sam Bankhead does NOT finish with a losing record like his 3-13 record suggests.. C+
Mudville Nine
Batting - Did Chuck Klein previously hold down a spot in this batting order, I dare say he would help this season. C+/B-
Pitching - The rotation is relatively strong but the bullpen could prove the Achilles heel, however, I believe most will be a replica of sorts. B-
Georgia Pines
Batting - At almost an 800 OPS on paper they are near 75 pts above league average, they will not be dominated on the mound with regularity. Ruth will not be outshined by Gehrig as he isn't ready to relinquish his crown as team leader. A
Pitching - What you don't want to see is an offense like that accompanied by a competent pitching staff, to the rest of the league's disdain Joe has managed to pull it off. B+
Vegas Vipers
Batting - They seem to have many duplicates of the same batter? Who is this man in Vegas who puts the same stat lines for all his players? Hack Wilson, come forth sir! B
Pitching - Grove is DMB's bitch. Bett's, Mookie's caucasian cousin, will help support ace Brewer . If Phil Cockrell & Darltie Cooper were to compare their real life stats would anyone be able to tell them apart? B
Kenmore Miners
Batting - Fat Jenkins plays half the season. D+
Pitching - I predict chaos when the Miners take the hill. D
Indianapolis Racers
Batting - Foxx, freak nasty, this man is on Steroids. How many IW will the man get? B
Pitching - No, the short answer is no, they will not be racing back to the dugout quickly when they play the field. D
Flint Vehicles
Batting - This looks like a very scrappy team indeed. He may not be a Foxx but Terry is a stud in Dave Kuehn's book. B-
Pitching - They continue to make striving advances to the better. Hunter is a full on stud and will be an AS candidate. I'm going to chance it and say that Firpo sucks this year and somewhere George has to use hot sauce to stop sucking his thumb. B-
AL Standings Projection:
Georgia Pines
Gashouse Gorillas
Jersey City Skeeters
Vegas Vipers
Flint Vehicles
Mudville Nine
Indianapolis Racers
Kenmore Miners
*Notes* The 1/2 seed could flip it will come down to what played better Georgia's pitching or Gashouse' offense. I also believe JC - Mudville could take that 3rd seed. I foresee a lot of lead changes for that final spot over the 154 game spread.
National League:
Wheaton Warbirds
Batting - Josh Gibson starts to assert his full season dominance behind the plate. Klein factor certainly won't hurt the protection. B
Pitching - I remember the time when the Warbirds pitching staff had an after party, when a group of them left they let Connie drive, he Rector, damn near killed them. C
Peoria Caterpillars
Batting - Hal Lee was actually a very high quality addition for this team, it rounded it out very well. We would like to take this moment to announce to Ed Morgan that this isn't 1931 anymore, that is all. B+
Pitching - Foster is a bona fide ace, will the odds forever be in his favor? Only Kevin, the man that huffs cleaning products behind the curtain can answer that. C-
Queen City Baseball Club
Batting - At over a 770 OPS on paper this is one of the premier offensive onslaughts this season. It's a far cry from Gas House or Georgia of old but hey they are going to bludgeon plenty w/ no mercy. A-
Pitching - Showing a taste for jeckyl & hyde this team scores a few and gives up a few more, they sometimes display a case of the dreaded 'yips'. D+/C-
Baltimore Terrapins
Batting - Jimmy eats world. C-
Pitching - Warneke is still waiting for that offense to score enough so he can win 20. C
Panhandle Artesian Wells
Batting - The slow, painful, handicapped crawl to relevance continues. C
Pitching - Richie Cunningham from Happy Days will be closing games for the Pan Handlers this year, even at 47 innings I don't know if he'll see that much action.. D
Custers Crimson Tide
Batting - This team is a poor man's version of a carousel, they are not the cream of the crop at any particular position. They are set to supersede any Championship hangover, however. B
Pitching - The project of repeating or to plain just not fall on your face after a title run is best described as 'don't check the results and hide like an ostrich'. This lead to a 3x Championship run by Col. Dave however it drove him mad, he now lives in the woods, talks to squirrels and hugs a tree he calls Shirley. A-
Sunderland Storm
Batting - The Storm have a very consistent ability to get on base, whether than can be that dependable on rounding 3B is another story. C+
Pitching - Ya know I really don't like Tim, he probably does wear a satchel when he goes in public. B+
Willoughby Starlings
Batting - Such scrappy offenses this year, many have a good solid core of 4-6 bats that aren't world beaters but the production is dependable. The starlings are no different in that respect.. B-
Pitching - Tinning has the potential to be the frontier closer in the NL this season, get to a lead late & game over. The rotation could end up being just a bit too light this year to make a serious run. C+/B-
NL Standings Projection:
Sunderland Storm
Custers Crimson Tide
Peoria Caterpillars
Willoughby Starlings
Wheaton Warbirds
Baltimore Terrapins
Queen City Baseball Club
Panhandle Artesian Wells
*Notes* I think it's preposterously tacky to pick oneself to win. I think 3/4 could flip a few times during the season, but I feel the top 2 seeds regardless of the order are going to be hard to knock from those positions.
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1932 SCL Preview
As per usual Dan’s predictions for 1931 were awful. However, his Crimson Tide won their last 11 games of the season, then rolled over the Warbirds and the Pines to win the SCL Championship. Shitty predicting, not so shitty team. Congratulations on your SCL Championship, well earned.
So Dan, go ahead and make your crappy predictions, and proceed to lose 80+ games. Nobody likes you, not even Jimmy, and nobody wants to see you repeat.
Respectfully submitted,
Kevin G.
AMERICAN LEAGUE
Jersey City Skeeters: GM-Kevin G.
I’ve been married for 42 years, and yes Dan, with the same person, and yes Dan, she’s within the species. People often ask me, Kevin, “What’s your secret?” Simple, I took my wife to Bermuda on our 10th anniversary, and in 2 weeks I’m going to go pick her up.
Cool Papa Bell, Al Simmons, and Rap Dixon are a top level outfield trio. Hurley McNair is an All-Star shortstop with power. The rest of the offense is a cause for concern. Not enough hits to generate runs.
Willie Powell, Charlie Root, George Pipgras, and rookie sensation, Johnny Allen make a pretty solid starting 4. The rest of the staff is thin. Not working out at the Gym thin. More like Karen Carpenter thin.
Gashouse Gorillas: GM- Ryan Buckley
Ryan loves to put underwear on straight out of the dryer. Who doesn’t? Unfortunately he likes to do it at the laundromat, and it’s not his underwear.
I think Dan talked him into it.
Ryan was a mere child when he joined the SCL. Now, he’s just an annoying child. The Gorillas have been very good for far too long. Unfortunately, this season doesn’t look to change that.
Lefty O’Doul will dominate. Paul Waner will get his hits, with a lot of doubles, and Jud Wilson will once again be an All-Star at 3B. Lucky for the American league, their HR. output ends with O’Doul.
Harry Salmon, Henry Wright, Red Ruffing, Barney Morris, and Pat Malone might be the best starting 5 in the league. Awesome, great job Ryan, we’re all rooting for you. Now go drink your juice box.
Georgia Pines: GM- Joe Clark
Joe played basketball in high school. His nickname was “The Milkman” It’s because he only made 2% of his shots.
Dan played basketball in high school as well. His nickname was “Stinky Butt”. For obvious reasons.
The Pines might have the best offense in the league. Anyone see that coming? Gehrig, Ruth, and Ott should finish 1/2/3 in Hrs. Mel Parnell makes a triumphant return, and he dominates on the mound.
The Pines finally got some pitching last season, it sticks around for another year. Mel Parnell?...seriously? Charlie Beverly, Dizzy Dean, (they have Dizzy Dean too?....and General Crowder make for a very good rotation.
Mudville Nine: GM-Brent Porter
Brent is a vegan…..an annoying vegan. (Is there any other kind?) He joins in on the live games and the 1st thing he says is, “I’m a vegan. You should be too, you immoral meat-eating devil worshippers” All true, I am a meat-eating devil worshipper, but he wears this annoying cauliflower hat while he says it. Cauliflower? What is that? It tastes like a 3-Mile Island weed. Vegans, the 2nd most annoying people on the planet.
Dan eats nothing but roadkill. That explains his breath.
Nobody expected the Nine to come within 1 game of making the playoffs last season. Not even Brent.
Can they do it again?
On offense they have Arky Vaughn, Joe Vosmik, Ernie Lombardi, Frankie Frisch, Ben Chapman, and 2-way player, Joe Strong. A nice group to pencil in the lineup every game.
Joe Strong lives up to his name on the mound. Watty Clark, Ted Lyons, and Sam Thompson will need to pitch to their numbers, if not better, for the Nine to contend again.
Indianapolis Racers: GM-Terry Baxter
Terry wanted to surprise his wife on their anniversary, so he decided to take dancing lessons. While trying to learn to Tango, he wasn’t doing so well, and his teacher told him he had to move his whole body while doing the tango. He proceeded to move his bowels. Needless to say he’s not welcome back at that dance studio nor will he be dancing the tango with his wife anytime soon.
Dan is sometimes referred to as a “human bowel movement.”
1 word- Jimmie Foxx. “The Beast”
Earl Combs, Mule Haas, Pinky Whitney, and Kiki Cuyler will need to perform to their numbers to make this a pretty good offense.
Larry French, Wes Ferrell, Mel Harder, Ed Brandt, and Ray Benge are good, not great, closer to fair, than good, but not great, just fairly good.
Vegas Vipers: GM- Doug Slothower
Living in Vegas, Doug is a numbers guy. Always looking to crunch some stats. He recently polled 100 people and asked them what brand of soap they used in the shower. 95 of them told him to get the hell out of my shower. The other 5…..well….what happens in Vegas…stays in Vegas.
Dan never showers, and can’t even spell soap.
Can the Vipers make it to the post-season? Can then win a single game in the post-season. Can they win it all? Hell if I know?
The Vipers have good bats from the top to the bottom of the order. Wally Berger will have another good season, and Hack Wilson will make a comeback from a not so good season. Willie Wells is still a top SS in the league, but don’t expect his typical Wellsian season.
Chet Brewer, Lefty Grove (was his 1931 season the biggest under performance in the history of baseball sims?) Huck Betts, William Bell, and Spoon Carter, make a very good starting 5.
Kenmore Miners: GM- Matthew Schultz
Matt recently stated in front of a large group of people that he was “Excited to see his wife’s mother.” Ordinarily that would be a nice thing to say, but it was at her viewing. Matt is currently breaking in a new air mattress on his back porch.
Dan sleeps in a coffin.
The Miners were a surprising contender in 1931. I see no surprises this season. They have very little offense, I don’t think I recognized any of the players. This team will struggle.
Lefty Gomez, Willis Flournoy, George Blaeholder, and Rube Walberg could all lose 20 games. That should be fun to watch. Not so much for Matt.
Flint Vehicles: GM-Chris Cannan
Chris and his family visited his parents for Xmas. The whole family was there, Mom, Dad, brothers, sisters, nieces and nephews. Chris’s wife was asked how things were going, she replied, “The children are doing very well at school, but Chris took a really bad fall and severely damaged his scrotum. It swelled up and broke in 2 places. His scrotum hurt so much that Chris wouldn’t let the kids and I anywhere near it. The Drs operated a couple of weeks ago and they had to use wires and metal screws to attach his scrotum back together. He’s doing much better now that the swelling in his scrotum has gone down. “Chris just smiled and said, “What my wife meant to say was sternum.”
Dan lost his scrotum in a poker match.
Bill Terry, Lloyd Waner, Pie Traynor, and Goose Goslin are all Hall of Famers, setting up a pretty nice offense.
Bert Hunter is top notch, and should win 20 games. The rest of the staff are a couple notches below the top.
AL Standings
1. Pines- A plethora of HRs
2. Gorillas- A plethora of pitching
3. Vipers- Why can’t I quit the Vipers?
4. Nine- The top 3 are just too good
5. Skeeters- The bottom 3 are just not good
6. Vehicles-not enough pitching
7. Racers- pitching is weak
8. Miners- 100 losses or bust
The Vipers will get swept by the Gorillas in the WC. (I have officially quit on the Vipers.) The Pines will bash their way to the World Series.
NATIONAL LEAGUE
Queen City Baseball Club: GM Joe Coombs
Years ago Joe thought it would be a good idea to move to Amish country to be a mechanic. Turns out…not so much.
Dan is always playing with his tool.
Don Hurst, Turkey Stearnes, Babe Herman, and Mickey Cochrane lead a pretty good offense.
Guy Bush, Bob Brown, Flint Rhem, and Eppa Rixey might not stink.
Panhandle Artesian Wells (PAWS): GM V
V served in Viet Nam, and came home with 1 leg. He never did find out whose leg it was. He hangs it over his mantle.
Dan has 3 testicles.
Billy Dickey is an All-Star catcher. Leroy Morney is their best player, and Chick Hafey is a part-time player this season. The rest of the offense is forgettable.
Tommy Bridges, Tony Freitas, Bill Hallahan, and Vic Sorrell will not be able to raise this pitching staff to a low level of mediocre.
Custer’s Crimson Tide: GM-Dan Bacon
Dan Bacon Joke: Dan walked into a bar……..and split his head open, because he wasn’t smart enough to duck.
Dick Lundy and Oscar Charleston have been playing forever in the SCL. They continue to produce. I like this offense, but it is filled with a bunch of part-timers. Dan will need to put is thinking cap on (once the swelling goes down) to get the most of his players.
Do they have the best pitching staff in the league? Porter Charleston, Red Lucas, Si Johnson, Jim Willis, and Ray Brown, seem to think so.
Baltimore Terrapins: GM- Jimmy Keenan
I bought Jimmy’s latest book: Stories from the Antietam Campaign, and he sent me an email thanking me for supporting his work. He added that the Battle of Antietam was a major turning point for the North’s victory in the Civil War, and he hoped I’d enjoy it. What the Hell???!!!! Thanks for spoiling the ending. What kind of guy does that?
Dan is battling an addiction to stupidity.
Heinie Manush and Tony Lazzeri cannot save this offense.
Luis Tiant Jr, Lon Warneke, and Bill Swift lead a pretty nice pitching staff. They may not survive this offense.
Peoria Caterpillars: GM John Momberg
John’s daughter told him she was dating a meteorologist. He thought she was dating an obese urinary tract doctor. (Meaty-Urologist………I know, that’s a bad one. I’m struggling at the end here)
Dan thinks you need to go to the eye doctor to buy an iPad.
Babe Herman, Earl Averill, Judy Johnson and Rick Ferrell are all All-Stars. The rest of the offense will be watching the game from the stands.
Willie Foster is awesome….hopefully. The rest of the staff is less than awesome
Wheaton Warbirds: GM-Adam Graham
Adam and I went fishing once, but we didn’t catch any fish. Adam ate all the worms. I know what you’re thinking, ohhh that’s an adorable story. Little Adam eating the worms!!!!How cute. There was nothing cute about it he was 28 at the time. He looked like Jeffery Dahmer chowing down on the small intestine of a pre-pubescent boy. And then he spent the entire ride home, burping the alphabet. It smelled disgusting and he missed some of the letters.
Dan sleeps with worms.
Josh Gibson and Chuck Klein are monsters. The rest of the offense is not. Not even close. They’re more like the Minions.
Carl Hubbell should pitch well, the rest of the staff is full of hits and walks and losses.
Sunderland Storm: GM Tim Deale
Tim got pulled over for speeding last month. Tim told the State trooper. “I was speeding, because I forgot to plug in my radar detector, and there’s absolutely no reason for you to check in my trunk.” I gotta give Tim credit, he looks great in his mugshot. Tim does have a smile that lights up a room.
Dan has the smile of a crackhead.
Lots of singles, lots of baserunners, maybe 10 HRs all season.
Vic Harris is their best hitter. Ted Page, George Giles, Newt Allen and Jerry Benjamin could steal 100 bases.
Plug in Satchel Paige every 4 games. Mix and match the rest of the staff, and the Storm will be fine
Willoughby Starlings: GM David Kuehn
We have a local morning DJ that does a daily rant about something that pissed him off. He calls everyone that acted like an idiot a “yam bag” I thoroughly enjoy Dave’s rants, but I think he should start referring to the people that piss him off as “bacon bags.”
Suttles and Bottomley will share 1st base once again. That will hurt, as the overall offense takes a step back from last season.
Cantwell is their best pitcher?? George Earnshaw will tee it up for the long ball. The rest of the staff will throw strikes and keep the ball in the ballpark.
National League:
1. Crimson Tide- this does not make anyone happy
2. Storm- winning with a smile
3. QC- is this the year?
4. Starlings- “bacon bags”
5. Caterpillars- “bacon bags” It rolls off the tongue
6. Warbirds- keeping the 6th place tradition alive.
7. PAWS- their team logo is adorable
8. Terrapins- they may finish 9th.
QC will beat the Storm in the WC, and then rollover the Tide to advance to the World Series.